You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
how does that bad decision feel?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
