we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
