btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
