Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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