NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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