He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My breasts were aching with rage.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
