Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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