Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
