my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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