school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
