All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize