My liver just broke up with me...
she looked like the before picture.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
