Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
