I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
