We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
