wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
