Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
