Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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