I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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