is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
