He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
