I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
