the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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