I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
