I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
