I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
