i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize