I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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