who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
