that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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