He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
