I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
