I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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