I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize