Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
