Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize