Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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