She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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