We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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