I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
