Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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