And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize