4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didn't notice because vodka
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sobbing to NWA
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
