My first STD was from a foam party
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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