It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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