i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
