at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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