Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
