other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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