Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
