Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
