Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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