In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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