Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
