so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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