So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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