Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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