i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
ttyl tear gas
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
