wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
