dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
