No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
