We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
