apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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