I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
