i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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