Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
