woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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