if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
