Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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