giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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