fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
