dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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