you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
