bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
