he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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