Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
