i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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