I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
