I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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