So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
