So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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