I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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