Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
