plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
