is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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