"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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