Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
