i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
