That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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