I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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