loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
