Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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