So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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