Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
